I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
