i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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