i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
whose parrot is this?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
