There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We are two peas in an std pod
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
