I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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