i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
this is an emotional support booty call
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
