The police scanner is talking about you again....
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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