Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
