plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
