your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
