I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your penis caused this!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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