Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
