I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
