I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
