I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
