The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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