My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
