Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm too high and old for this...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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