I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
