We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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