i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You are the jesus of drinking
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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