I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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