You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
