You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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