Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
