Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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