Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
