Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
my liver is dry heaving
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
