Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
