You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
