What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
