omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
