how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
