he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
