I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
