i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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