I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
