considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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