I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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