Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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