This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
worst night to have a conscience
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wear drunk well.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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