Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
