they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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