it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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