just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
