i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
