he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
