You're so nebulous sometimes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
