it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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