Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
