i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
