i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
