We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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