i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
