Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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