If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
