I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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